This is a gathering point for the great private investigator's finest lines.


That ain't "a grain of salt". That's one o' them blocks they give cows to lick. (On Ned's assessment that his judgment of 'fine' should be taken with a grain of salt.)
Are you in love with her? 'Cos it's that level o' stupid. (To Ned, about Chuck)
We all have childhood issues. Believe me, I got the full subscription. (Foreshadowing "Frescorts")
A good last meal can go a long way. Our penal system makes a point of it. (Discussing Chuck's high seas misadventure with her aunts)


I'm not God, but if I was, I'd be an angry god. (Vis-á-vis Chuck 'stealing' his minute)
It's a dead end. And not the kind of dead end you can un-dead, then re-dead again. Like you're supposed to. (Unsubtle further anti-Chuck vitriol)
'Clue' is a board game. "Professor did it in the parlor with a rubber mallet." That's a clue. We find evidence. (Dismissing Chuck's contribution to the case)
If I wanted to mingle with a bunch of geeks wearin' leotards, I'd have stayed in art school. (Why he cut Rick Page off, pre-request)


Think of it as an escrow between my thighs. (Talking about Olive's down payment for services)
The money don't care. Touch him. (Concerning Ned's qualms about Olive as a client)
Different like purple and mauve. (On Chuck's nit-picking over Olive's analysis of her state)

"Bitter Sweets"

The truth ain't like puppies - a bunch of 'em running around and you pick your favorite. There's one truth - and it has come a-knockin'. (On reality)

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